2017: Ride with it

Told myself to finish this post over the long Chinese New Year weekend while it’s still January. You know, achieve something little each month aka monthly resolution. But, obviously, I failed. Sokkay though, I’ll take it that January is just a free 30 day trial before the real 2017 kicks in. *in denial* teehee.

This post, particularly, took a little bit more time than others. It’s just one of thooose post that makes you go to the thinking room that you’ve been avoiding. Ya feel me? Also, I feel that for the sake of my personal growth, I need to be out of my comfort zone, be brave about my thoughts and from there, slowly, be comfortable with myself and 2017 looks good to be brave.

Last few days of 2016, there were just one too many tweets saying that their 2016 suck. There. Was. Just. So. Many. Negativity.

Well, I can’t deny that there’s so much instability going around the world right now. But under any circumstances, I choose to believe that there are still good people. There is still goodness to look forward to and if you don’t or can’t see any, make your own happiness. Which is why I prefer to blog about happier days. To remind everyone that there is, a better day.

I’m not too sure how I perceive to others but a question that’s asked of me frequently is, “don’t you have anything wrong with your life? Is it really that peaceful?” “How do you get over crappy days/situation?” “Are you not broken?”

Well dear friends, I’m just like any other human being. I’ve pushed other’s buttons, other’s have pushed my buttons. I’ve also gone through what others have.

Like other’s, I’ve had to dust myself of the ground and pick myself up dozens of time, all alone and this is okay. We learn as we move it move it.~

It sure hurt. Every. Time. But one thing I’ve learned this past few years is everything is up to you.

How you view, analyse and choose to react to the situation really makes a difference. (Keyword here: choose to react.)

This post is first and foremost-ly for me to remind myself a) for times when I need to pick myself again. 2) when anger/negativity gets the best of me and forget that I have better things to focus on. Because as we all know 3) decisions made when we’re angry or cuckoo is really not the best decision.

This might bite me back but sometimes we just gotta eat our own medicine.

Note: This is not everything. I’m not an expert with words, especially. I might just bore you if I were to pen everything down. For more life insight article, I recommend thoughtcatalog.

😂

“Dear self,

New things or situation will happen one day. Don’t get flustered. Don’t be angry. Ride with it.

Remember what NOT to do when same Ol’ sticky situation comes for a visit, yet again. Life ain’t no bed of roses, rough days are part of life. Don’t hold back. Ride with it.

You really have the choice to be happy. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship. You can walk away. Whoever they are.

Self-respect. Walk away when someone no longer needs you but doesn’t have enough strength to tell you they don’t need you any more.

Walk away from people who’ve hurt you but have no balls pride to apologise.

You don’t have to stay. You’re better than that. It’s called self-respect. You gotta love yourself first. If you can’t even love yourself, how can you even protect your loved ones.

See things in a positive light. Apologise when wrong. Admitting and learning from mistakes is so much cooler than being right all the time. [WHATEVER YOUR AGE IS. NOTE: YOUNGER PEOPLE HAVE LESSONS TO REMIND YOUNG PEOPLE.]

Also, this is pretty much applicable to those juuust starting on their own. Finished studying and just joined the workforce… It’s okay to not succeed at one go. If you rise up fast, you’ll fall off fast.

Always believe that everything happens for a reason. Ground yourself to the One. Believe that you are exactly where God wants you to be. (Can’t help with atheist here). Which brings me to: Any painful passes or experience is a test to see who you turn to first.

There are others out there going through much worst situation than you yet their heart is at ease. Why? Him.

Ground yourself to the One that never turns His back on you.”

I remembered a day, few months back when something I didn’t like, got thrown to me. Then, as I was out and about, strangers just kept getting on my nerves (we all have thaat kinda day don’t we) and for some reason, I just wanted to see, if I were to let it go, genuinely, not the ‘be cool on the outside and smack that person on the inside (virtually)’, how would my day be.

Before I could even remember that I was having a bad day, something good popped out in front of me. To me, that incident was literally a ‘CONGRATS BABYGAL, YOU DID WELL, HERE’S HAPPINESS FOR YOU,’ handed to me on a diamond plate.

That amazeball rewarding feeling just makes me realise that letting go, can really be rewarding.

I’d like to congratulate myself for finally finishing this post. (This post took a lot of courage for me, you see.) Now, other back logged post can be easily drafted. 🙈🙉🙊

One hurdle down, many more to go, I can do this! 💪💪💪💪💪

With this, I’d like to end this post with a quote, from Oprah. This is something I strongly believe in but didn’t have the right words to put together for a proper sentence but she did it so effortlessly. Gotta love that woman!

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Till next post, remember, YOU’RE AWESOME AND YOU GOT THIS! 2017 or not! Whether some kid is butting in your frame, or not!💪

“The sooner you realise the key to your own happiness is you, the easier it’ll be to depend on others less and ergo, you won’t set yourself to disappoint yourself.” – Oprah.

 

3am thoughts

So!

I rushed home because I needed to do major domestic goddess duty.

*Puts domestic goddess cape on!*

Did major laundry washing bedsheet and all while waiting for my groceries to arrive which I ordered online.

When stocking up dry and wet pantry, I tend to grab the chance to go all out with household chores. Since I’ll be making a mess anyway.

One thing led to another and I (as usual) I ended up cleaning the entire house.

Here at 3.22am, I’m perching and stoning on the bed overlooking my MESSY study table which made me wonder what have I been doing for the past 5 hours.

image

Translation:

I live alone but:
– I take 3(!) trips to dispose waste.
– I have six pillows. (like all of you, I only have 1 head. hehe).
– when doing laundry I use 3 washer and 3 dryer.
– in my dry pantry I have 6(!) types of salt.

orang = human
beruang = bear.

its a lost in translation kinda joke/pun.

BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN RIGHT! WHAT SORCERY IS THIS!?

Not only that, it made me rethink some aspects of my life and question myself.

Gah. I miss my nanny.

*wipes virtual tears*

Sort it out

Time check: 1255am.

Status: Wide awake.

Architecture. Sounds fancy and elite to many. But really, to those who are actually on this journey, be it in institution or practicing, knows the truth of how harsh it is. Having said that, I’m not looking down on other profession.

Had I chose to take my degree in Singapore, it definitely wouldn’t be architecture but something more general. Business maybe? I don’t know. I’m the kind of person who strongly believes that when God puts me to it, He will put me through it. Completing my diploma made me feel that I’ve only dipped my feet in the water and I crave to be in it. Which is the reason why I told my parents I wanted to further my degree in the same field, abroad.

We work very hard during term time which drives me (everyone, in fact) nuts. However, the short holidays in between each term/semester relieves us of the crazy moments and keeps us sane. Because we are used to having a lot of things to do, the sudden nothingness can make us feel stripped bare (at least for me la).

I try to fill my holidays with things that really matters to me. Do what I love to do which is only possible during breaks. There are things that can be done by snapping the fingers, while most can’t.

You see, I’m a planner. I make plans and I work towards it.

I’m greedy, impatient and like to be able to control my plans. But alas, He is the best planner of us all.

He makes me incapable (now, in syaa Allah) so that I learn patience. Had I be given the capability to do everything that I want, just like that *snaps fingers* I may appreciate it less and abuse the blessings.

There are things that I want to do. There are things that I want to achieve and be at right now. When I see people around me do the things that I want, it makes me go, ‘WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING HERE!? That’s what I want to do. So, again, WHY am I here?’.

The good thing of being abroad, alone is I get many chances to Think. and Appreciate.

Being in uni holds me back to so many things that I want to do. I want to be out there working on things that I’m passionate about. Not to mention that I’m passionate about sooooo many things. When I pull myself out of this ‘messy thinking planning madness cap,’ breathe and just put/see things in different perspective, I’m able to see the WHY (I’m not there).

I asked to be abroad. For experience. For self discovery. For the opportunity to travel and more. Now that He grants me that opportunity, dare I be ungrateful?

What I’m trying to do now is like rock climbing. I think I can do it, without experience. If I slip, the guy that’s pulling the harness can get me back to safety and I can start all over again without preparing myself after the fall because someone always have my back. While it’s true that someone will have your back, it’s also true that that someone is just human and there are times people get sick of just supporting and wants to be supported in return. If you keep yourself busy expecting eternal support from that harness guy, than you’re only in for disappointment because life is not all about me. myself. and I. plus the fact that that harness guy doesn’t want to be in the same position forever.

Sometimes I look at things as if passion and sincerity is enough. I look at things overestimating the strength I have and underestimating the strength needed.

What I wanted that I thought was impossible, God gave them to me, and now I’m beginning to appreciate it less.

When this – the greed of where I want to be VS the unappreciative me that needs to realise where and why I’m elsewhere – happens, I like to temporarily shun myself from the world. Enter my cave, leave all the fancy thoughts and whims which are burden (that I put upon myself in the first place), bring only basic and absolute necessary thoughts with me and reorganise myself.

Make time to find your weakness point, know them, so others won’t use it against you. Don’t be arrogant to admit a bad trait(s) of yours. Make time to appreciate where you are. If you can’t appreciate the little big things that you have now, chances are, you can’t appreciate the bigger things in life that He wants to put in your way but won’t, for your own good.

Regardless of age, don’t be arrogant to think that at a certain point in our life or in our success, we can stop self-discovery and improvement. We are all a work in progress.

As for me, I’ve found my weakness – impatience, greed in timing and control of where I want to be at (and definitely more. I’m not done in this self-discovery business).

The one thing that I thought was impossible for me, yet I asked, prayed for and granted, is itself an enemy and a blessing. True it render me helpless at the bigger plans I have for myself. But it is also true that it is preparing me to be more mature for when the time comes, allowing me to respond and handle the situation better, In Syaa Allah.

Architecture is more than making nice buildings complying with authority regulations. There are many user empathy, thoughts and considerations that goes into the design. One thing I learn from architecture is that at every stage that we’re at is hard and torturous, but once you get through to another level, the level that you’ve just passed seems way easier than the new level that you’ve been level up-ed to. To get to the next stage requires you to stretch, mature your thoughts, ability and capability, every time. It drains you. But it makes you.

This has happen one too many times and I’m just putting it up here so that when this ‘crazy controlling wasp’ in me wants to come out again, I don’t have to waste my time entering the cave (again), for the very same reason. I’ll just swat myself here and use that time for other better purposes.

Dear self… Between 2015/2016 academic year, this is what you have to say to yourself when that impatient you wants to emerge and waste your time, for the same reason (or in the future when I have other challenges which narrows down to the same issues) :

Now, I’d like to put my plans on hold and gain as much from another year of architecture. I’d like to save the little bits of here and there energy into a firework shell and hopefully after another year, the better me will be able to pull the string and release all the neon goodness I have to give without burning, hurting or make use of (stepping on) anyone.

Afterall, a butterfly can only soar high through forcing itself out of it’s cocoon with it’s own strength, grit, patience and time.

P.s: Have you heard of the crippled butterfly story? Have a read. Such a wonderful reminder. 🙂

Till Autumn

A little upset at myself right now.

I’ve been feeling unwell these past few days, cause I wasn’t sleeping properly.  It’s been dragging on for few days now and I really really really wanna succumb to painkillers since yesterday but gonna hold off till tomorrow.  (Will let you know why soon,  In Syaa Allah).

Anyways, time has officially changed. Literally. I’m referring to the time difference. No metaphors there, haha.

I was so excited by it that I’ve been holding back myself from sleeping since 4pm.

My laptop reminded me that the change will happen at 1am. I was so eager to video the time change on my lappy that it didn’t happen.

Why?

Cause I got distracted by running man.

-11:58pm, I got my phone ready to video it.
-Apparently its 1am not 12am. So I continued watching running man.
-12:47, I told myself to get ready. Engrossed with RM.
-12:58, Okay, hold the phone.
*blinks*
-Laptop clock indicates 2am.

Gahhhh… I felt like I just cheated myself. Its like, you’ve robbed your own happiness. In this case, its the case of a cheap thrill. Heh.

So yeah…. mission totally failed.

Prolong my headache and the need to sleep for nothing.

But it’s okay!  *tryna coax myself ere guys* we still have 21 Sept when it’ll change again.

Gawddd.

Here’s to 7 hours time difference between UK and SG instead of 8 hours!

Gonna sleep of my pain before blogging more.

Night y’all.

Assalamualaikum!